Skunkology

I passed my 10th month since my brainiectomy and the onset of radiation and chemotherapy. My friends tell me it will take another 10 months to get over the side effects of brain radiation and if they are correct I will fly like Dumbo and be ready for the 2010 Winter Olympics in some sport-probably Curling which requires beer as a nutritional supplement for peak performance. I get monthly chemotherapy which lays me up for about 20 days of the month otherwise I'm able to keep the garden weed free and I get some fishing in.

Living in the West and out in the country we have to be prepared to deal with nature and her forces. The natural world is mystical and complicated and occasionally test the full extension of our senses which brings me to the topic of skunkology. We have a critter here called the digger squirrel which perform as their name implies and in our case is undermining our pumphouse by mining under the structure which insures that we get potable water to the house. I bought a "have-a-heart" trap which permits one to catch these diggers without harming them and theoretically moving them to another part of earth where they can dig without upsetting man's domination of earth and sky. When we returned Monday from our trip to NY to help celebrate our daughter's graduation from medical school I checked the trap and although grass had grown through and obscured the trap, hues of black and white in the trap set off alarm bells that surprise greeted the unwary. My early days in Montana had acquainted me the notion that "black-on-white-something's not right". I initially called my brother-in-law Gordie and accusing him of forgetting to warn me as he had been in charge of checking the trap, but he vociferously denied setting up a surprise party and I accepted his explanation, although he did seem to think the predicament was awfully funny.... I wonder.

Prior experience in Montana as a kid reminded me that lead poisoning(dispatching it with a .22 shot) would stink up the neighborhood for a couple of weeks. I discussed very carefully lifting the cage with a long pole and depositing the skunk and cage in to the garbage can fill with water, but the look on my life-partner's face indicated a veto without possibility of a override vote,and a mishap could result in two to three weeks in a tent, bathing with the goldfish in the pond, a real camping experience until I passed the sniff test. This lead to my introduction to Rodger, a professional, fully credentialed skunkologist.

By phone I laid out to Rodger the topography around the trap, safe avenues of approach depending on the wind direction and escape routes should the mission be compromised, and warned the neighborhood women, children and dogs of our tenuous situation and to stay back until we had neutralized the threat.

I first saw Rodger walking up the path with a rifle and long pole in one hand a holding a big dead skunk by the tail in the other hand. Rodger didn't have front teeth, his fly was open, his clothes looked very comfortable. He had an aire about him. Call it a manly scent-something like "Fifi la phew". He apologized for the delay in getting to our problem but he had along list of calls ahead of mine. I commented that I didn't hear a shot and he explained that he use special ammunition that didn't make noise to dispatch the animal after he gave it a shot of sedative. That explained the syringe in his shirt pocket. 30 minutes later he concluded a 20 year history of skunking and to his belief that the government and bleeding heart liberals were regulating the country to death. He complained that he had to take tests before he could be licensed to dispatch skunks and the questions on the tests were written by people whose only experience with skunks was from Walt Disney's "Bambi". Rodger was now immune to the effects of skunk spray-he couldn't smell it, but that the skunk could squirt 70 feet, five times, and the spray would blind a person temporarily, but not him.

$95 later Rodger and I said goodbye. I wish I had a picture of Rodger with that skunk and his equipment; a most memorable character. I think there a still career opportunities here if people are interested, but remember you have to study, take dumb tests and the liberals are going to regulate you out of business. Love to all, Eric